What is that thing?

I've known many of you for a while now.  Friendships forged over dinner and drinks, or over wall balls, push-ups and sweat.  Last night someone asked me "so what happened?"  I realized many people are probably curious but don't want to ask.

First, it's ok to ask and discuss.... hell even some of you that I've known for years enjoying cracking jokes.  I enjoy cracking jokes.  It's all ok.  I acknowledge that it is hard to know if it's ok to ask.  For people that pick up a "challenge", or "disability" later in life, they may not want to talk about.  They may not have accepted it.  For those of us born with it, it really isn't a challenge and certainly not a disability.  It is only what we know.  I don't get offended at being called disabled, challenged or handicapped but I don't think of it that way.

Second, I'll tell the story.

As you gathered from above, I was born with a birth defect in my right arm.  It is called a "radial club" and my case is considered severe.  The cause is unknown but it is not genetic and therefore, not hereditary.  Your forearm contains two bones, the radius and ulna.  As you develop in the womb, the radius grows into the first three fingers (thumb, index, and middle).  Likewise, the ulna grows into the ring and pinky fingers.    In addition to forming the set of 5 fingers, the two bones also allow the rotation of your forearm AND the function of the elbow.  In my case, I formed without my right ulna.

My lack of ulna obviously means I didn't get the right ring and pinky fingers (thank goodness the wedding ring goes on the left hand).  This is the most obvious trait and what most focus on but not the most difficult trait.  The lack of ulna also means not rotation of my forearm and no bending of the elbow which require a lot more adaptation.  More on that in a moment.  When I was born, my right arm was turned backward at the elbow.  The easiest way to picture it is when I would stand, my right arm would rest BEHIND me.  It's a great position to scratch your butt, but not much else.

I was blessed with smart parents who took me to an orthopedist.  That orthopedist was Dr. Marks and he made a few decisions that dramatically altered my life.  When I was five, I underwent surgery where he broke my arm, reset and rebuilt it to rest in FRONT of me.  As a 5 year old, it sucked.  I still remember puking on the kitchen floor when my parents told me of the impending surgery.  I remember kicking and screaming bloody murder before the shots went into each thigh (it took three people to hold me down).  I also remember sitting up right after and declaring "that wasn't so bad".  I'm sure the nurse wanted to kill me at this point :D

Afterwards, I had to wear a cast for a long while.  After the swelling went down, the damn thing had a habit of falling off... a lot.  I'll never forget waking up in the pitch black of my grandma's house and, through the faint hallway light, seeing silhouette of my arm riddled with stitches.  I totally freaked but then later I decided it was cool.  To wrap this up, I had 1 other surgery and then stitches removed.  After a little bit of therapy (physical not mental), I was declared "good to go"!

As one would expect, throughout my life I have experienced moments of ridicule, teasing, and people telling me what I couldn't do.  But honestly, these times were the EXCEPTION not the rule.  In large part, I have experienced acceptance or even more surprising, forgetfulness.  When people are around me for a while, they tend to forget.  That leads to some hilarious conversations at times.
Me: "My hands are so cold."
Them: "Wanna borrow my gloves?"
Me: "How many fingers do they have?"
Them: "10, why? .... er..... oh yeah..."
Of course, I'm not offended they forgot.  I get a huge laugh out of it.  It just shows you that most people will accept if given the chance.

The times of teasing and "you can't do it" were just enough to bend me, making me stronger, more accepting of others, and exceedingly willful.

My other fortune came from my exceedingly smart mom:  When I was in 2nd grade, I had a substitute teacher tell me that she would get her church to pray for me and Jesus would miraculously heal my "affliction".  I was so excited to tell my mom when I got home.  What did mom say?  "Why would you want to change?  You are perfect the way you are."  It wasn't those exact words, but the message was there.  It would have been easy for her to say "the lady is a nut job and Jesus won't fix your hand."  But she used it as a moment to reinforce my uniqueness, have me embrace it, and never want to change it.  If someone offered me an arm transplant tomorrow, I'd refuse.

So this all sounds inspiring and perfect.  I struggle at times just like anyone else.  There are things I simply cannot do with a radial club.  I want to climb a rope, I want to do a muscle up.  I'm not sure it will ever happen but I will keep trying until it really is futile.  My fortune is that there are so many things that I CAN do or that I can LEARN to do.  That is what I try to focus on, not always successfully, but mostly so.

People have told me I inspire them.  Honestly, I have a hard time accepting that.  I'm out there for exceedingly selfish reasons,  I want to look good for my smoking hot wife.  But like most things in my life: I'll take it, I'll embrace it, I'll do my best to live up to it.

Obsession

This week really made me realize how consuming Crossfit is for people.  Obsession is a better word.  Between spending a few days with my location challenged family, dinner with friends, and a "happy hour" where almost all of my conversations constantly turned back to Crossfit.... I realized it even more.

Now to my credit, I wasn't driving the conversation in some cases.  People are curious about my progress and want to know "how".  Unfortunately, I tell them a LOT about how.  Using words that make no sense, naming WODs, exercises and eating habits all in a rapid fire cadence.  I get in the zone when talking about it and sometime forget to come up for air.  The happy hour gave me a chance to observe obsession firsthand.  I was me, 3 other CFers and a few other "regular people".  See.  WTF was that?  "Regular people".  In quotes no less.  

Anyway.  The happy hour was for a "regular person's" birthday.  But what dominated the conversation?  Time on WODs, Wall ball techniques, trainer methods, clean max... and of course, sweating.  The other people were polite and probably even entertained... for a while.  We kept turning the conversation back to "normal" things.. but some force or unseen hand eventually pushed us right back to CF.  We have our own language and we love to use it.

I have done many activities in my life (basketball, kayaking, tennis, backpacking, etc.)  NONE of those EVER created the level of desire to discuss quite like CF.  I can talk to a basketball team member for an hour about things without BB coming up.  A CFer can last about 5 mins. 

So I asked myself.............  WHY?

Top Ten Reasons:

1.  We are crazy and we like talking to other crazy people.

2.  When you go through hell, it's easier to relate to other people with burn marks.

3.  The amazement of actually completing some WODs must be shared... often. 

4.  Only a badass can talk to another badass.
5.  The water bottles are spiked with "CF Kool-Aid".  That's why they only cost a dollar.
6.  When you pass out in one of your first WODs, they take you away for a good brainwashing.
7.  Glassman is really Marshall Applewhite... and we all will be leaving earth soon.
8.  Sadism and obsession go well together.
9.  We really like writing stuff on whiteboards.

and #10:

I think its because we've "Become addicted to constant and never-ending self-improvement." (Anthony J. D'Angelo)

So stay obsessed and let's talk sometime....

I've Gone Mental

I have become a regular reader of the CrossFit Journal because the articles/video are enlightening.  The depth and breadth of this thing called CrossFit is amazing.  At it's core, CF is simply an unbelievably effective way to get fit.  At its depth, it will teach you things about yourself that you may or may not want to know.

With articles like "Your Form Sucks", "Getting Off the Crack", and "Silly Bullshit", how can it not be good?  My routine is to download a few article and videos to my Dropbox account in the evening, then watch/read them on my iPhone over lunch.  (P.S. If you have an iPhone or iPad why the hell haven't you downloaded Dropbox?)

The ones that have captured my attention lately are articles about the mental aspect of Crossfit.  Mainly because I'm fairly sure my head is holding me back.

Where is Your Head?

CFing for the last 6 months have taught me more about myself than anything else I've done.  What have I learned?

1. I should be doing better.  Sure, I genuinely celebrate my victories but every victory seems like a step of a ladder versus the top.  Trevor suggested I call a knee push-up "Rx".  That's probably reasonable.  They are pretty damn hard with 1 arm.  Like a total moron, I refused.  But I knew if I did, I would never push my knees off the floor and get to a "real" push up.  After this week, I may reconsider ;)

2. I suck HARD at mental preparation.  Most WODs, I psych myself out or approach too confidently.  In both cases, I'm left whimpering on the floor and pissed at the "extra 3 minutes" it took me.  On the rare days when I have it just right, I feel like I destroy it.

3. I'm not good at taking praise.  People feel strongly positive about my endeavor.  I've had at least 30 people ask me "how'd you do it".  A lot of people ask s lot of polite questions without really caring about the answer.  In all but 1 case, people really wanted to know.  One conversation lasted almost an hour.  Many of you have complimented me in various ways.  If I seem to dismiss your words, it's only because I'm not sure what to say.  I think I'll just say "Thanks" from now on....  or maybe "That's what she said!"  One of the two.

The Art of Self Talk

- In trying to improve on #2 above, I read a great article in the CFjournal about self talk.  I will only point out one thing from it: Always talk to yourself (and others) in the positive.  Example: say "keep your heels down and drive through them", instead of "don't let your heels come up."  Why?  The subconscious does not understand/hear the negative.  So your subconscious hears "let your heels come up".  You doom yourself or your partner to failure.  I started this yesterday during my first miserable attempt at beating my 1 mile PR.  It worked.  I destroyed my previous PR by 45 seconds.

Of course now (through the art of self talk), I have also convinced myself I look like Matt Damon, sing like Sinatra, and ummmmm... "That's what she said."  P.S. I hear Mel Gibson is really good at this.

Gaming WODs:

In the vein of mental preparation, there is another article about Gaming WODs.  I think it is an unfair title because it really is about having a strategy for a WOD.  But since it involve methods of pacing and calculating, many consider it "gaming".  What is gaming a WOD?

Example:  For a 20 AMRP of Cindy, assume it takes you 30 secs to blow through round 1.  What if you decide to rest until the 1 min mark and then start round 2.  With that rest you can probably keep close to your round 1 pace.  If you finish round 2 in 32 sec, you get 28 sec of rest.  If you pace yourself like this you can get 20/21 rounds.  A very respectable score.  But if you go as hard as you can from "GO", you may gas after 6 rounds and then struggle.

At a basic level, it is picking a good pace and then building in rest to keep the intensity high.  I have mixed feelings.  I think it is good if you repeat workouts and have a reference point from whence to improve.  But we don't repeat much and I may be slowing myself down.  The jury is out for me on this method.

Finally, my favorite inspirational picture:

And in honor of my blog:

Change is Strange...

Strange to Change

It is strange to think back on my previous view of eating and fitness.  Negotiation and rationalization were king.  I wanted to be thinner and in better shape, but my habits were laughable in context of the goal.  Poor eating, crappy exercise and drinking.  I had the "trifecta" of couch potato fitness.

"Exercise"
"Exercise" was 40 mins on the elliptical 3x per week while watching Sportscenter.  How the hell can you watch something and get an effective workout?  I don't think it's possible... unless you count my life flashing before my eyes in the third round of Fight Gone Bad.  (Editor's note, I'm damn glad CF540 still hasn't gotten another rower or that bastard of a WOD would be coming around again).

Some days, I remember convincing myself that playing the drums on Rock Band for an hour would sub for a workout.  Of course by the time I got home, I didn't even do that.  BTW, an hour of Halo3 definitely does not count as a workout.  Oh and my "runs" were laughable.  My wife bought me a "Nike+ Run-o-meter" because, you know, my distances were so long I couldn't count that high.  Anyway,  I couldn't get it to calibrate so I sent it back.  In all honesty, I should have kept it and just taped a note on the watch that said.... "hey fat ass, you didn't go very far!"

Eating (also known as Exercising My Storage Capacity)

My idea of eating restraint was pretty perverse too.  I remember feeling proud to leave two chicken wings on my plate (out of a dozen).  Of course the fact that I was full from 48oz of "light" beer, 2 yeast rolls, 2 dozen peanuts and the first 10 wings didn't occur to me as the reason for my awesome restraint. 

Somehow I felt great when I ate a salad but rationalized that I could swill down a couple of Coors Lights and a brownie as a "treat".  I'm sitting here laughing about it now.  My eating habits are corrected.  Now, some meals really suck.  I mean they are healthy but taste like the underside of a dirty sock.  But most are good, some are great and I don't really miss pizza, wings, and BBQ.  Well maybe BBQ but I sincerely don't miss wings and pizza. I was not a glutton at every meal by any means, but I could throw down when starvation was on the line.  I figured it up the other days and one of my favorite meals contained 1800 calories.  Jebesus....

I see food as fuel.  Every time I think about cheating, my brain automatically tells me how much progress I will lose because of it.   G R E A T... my own damn brain won't let me enjoy a little indulgence.

Social Lubrication

My favorite habit was my drinking.  I still love the taste of wine, beer, and liquor.  It's a habit that I will occasionally allow.  However, I was in this crazy cycle of two drinks at night (you know, because they are good for you!) and then heavy caffeine in the morning.  In a moment of reflection, it became clear that my 2 were about the size of 4 and it was becoming an invasive habit.  My family has a small short history (read as: my dad) of alcoholism.  I was practicing well but decided I needed to change before I wound up naked on I-540.  But I never made the change and I drank daily for years.  Then I stopped.... cold.

Becoming a teetotaler broke the cycle and it was unbelievable.  It immediately led to better sleep, better workouts, less eating and more water.  But most importantly, I genuinely started enjoying more about life.  Alcohol is a destructive force for people that consume it regularly, they just don't know it.  It really is one of those things you can't see until you come out on the other side.  If you are someone that has a few beers on the weekend but nothing during the week, I'm not talking to you. :D  I'm talking to the "Every. Single. Day." person.  Trust me.  Stop for a month and see what happens.

Now for the most controversial change yet.  Caffeine!  I've gotten way more "WTF?" from people about stopping caffeine than any other change.  I did it because.... well I wanted to follow the Zone Diet as completely as possible.  It really wasn't any more dramatic than that.  However, it was the single hardest change of all the ones I made.  I weaned myself slowly over a 2 week period.  I got down to a 1/2 cup of coffee with little pain.  So then I cut the last 1/2 out and holy hell.  It took another 2 weeks for the hot pokers to be removed from my occipital lobe.  I'm pretty sure that even if I stop exercising, ate like crap and started drinking again... I still won't drink caffeine again.  It was just too damn hard to quit.

That said, I'm supremely glad I stopped.  It is such a freeing feeling to not worry about where/when the morning's fix will occur.  It is hard to explain, but I'm REALLY glad I stopped drinking it.

Final Thought:
I'm 40.  I am close to being in better physical shape than at any other point in my life.  I hope to make that bold claim before the end of this year.  However, with 40 comes the understanding you are not indestructible.  Mortality now warrants an occasional serious thought.  Luckily, morality is still of no concern...

What is 50 Like?

It's official.  I have lost 50 lbs, which made me think of all the things that weigh 50 pounds.

1. Half of my wife before she got pregnant.
2. 200 dollars in quarters (hey, a couple of months of Crossfit).
3. 2 1/2 cases of beer.
4. An average 7 year old girl.
5. 75.97 dollars
6. This hamburger.

7. This rabbit (and probably the girl)












8. Add finally, 10 of these:

Crazy Man in the Workout Room...

So we just got back from a weeks vacation.  I was torn whether to rest my Crossfit weary bones or continue.  The downside of working out on vacation... getting up early.  The downside of not working out... "the MFing soreness" when I got back.  I decided for the lesser of two evils and kept up my workout schedule as much as possible.  My workouts were uneventful except for two.

On the day we were going to Sea World, I did 100 pushups, 200 sit-ups, and 300 squats.  What the hell was I thinking?  For the next 10 hours, I was on my feet in 98 degree weather.  By the end of the day, I was whining like most of the 3 year olds there.  Hell I seriously considered hijacking this old lady's scooter when she went for frozen lemonade.  Too bad her husband kept an eye out.... or I would have torn outta there at 2.5 mph.  "KIDS, MEET ME AT THE CAR!!!" Man I was tired and sore.


On Friday, I decided it was time to put a hurting on myself.  The resort where we stayed had a beautifully equipped, pristine gym.  Which is to say it was utterly useless to a CFer! :D  It did have some rubber dumbells (but with only a 50lb max.... buncha wusses, we warm up with 50s).  Anyway, the real positive thing was a couple of pull-up handles on the crossover weight rack.  I wish I had discovered it sooner.

So 5 rounds: 10 K2E, 15 Thursters, 7 Pull-ups.  Yeah, 75 thrusters.  I'm an idiot.  I get warmed up and finally will myself to begin the pain.  Halfway through my second round, in walks a middle aged man, his wife and 20 something year old son.  Of course, I'm slinging sweat all over the floor (it's 4 o'clock in 97 degree weather) and panting like an elephant giving birth.  During my third set of thrusters, I'm pretty sure I said the mother of all words a couple of times.  The older guy looked like he wanted to say something, but then he saw the 50lb dumbell suspended above my head and decided to bite his tongue.

Then I started kipping pull-ups.  I was kipping so hard I was tilting the whole weight rack a little.  It would slam down each time and then up I would tilt it again.  At this point, they all looked a little terrified.  My favorite moment happened when I finished.  I collapsed per normal on the floor in heaping, heaving mess.  All three stopped what they were doing and just stood there for a moment, presumably waiting for me to die.  HAHA!

At one point during round 4, I did hear the man ask his son what workout he was doing.  The son's reply?  "A whole body workout."  I almost laughed.  They have no idea.

How To Get Kicked Out of Your Old Gym

I've become more and more lax on this blog.  Life has been busy but inspiration has not.  Most of this blog I stole shamelessly from a old write-up from the Crossfit Journal but added my own as well.

Before I start, if you are semi-serious about Crossfit, I highly recommend you plunk down the $25 per year to subscribe to the Journal.  By no means am I trying to be a elite CFer, but I have things I want to improve.  A lot of the articles are about "Regionals", but many are about form, technique.  We get a lot of coaching from Trevor and Holland, but some of our moves take months and months to get right.  The journal articles approach it from yet another angle, one that I personally found helpful.  My squats were instantly better after an article and a video.  Not because I hadn't been coached, but because one of the practice methods resonated with me.

OK, I guess that much of an endorsement will forgive the plagiarism I'm about to do :D

How To Get Kicked Out in Ten Days of Less - CF Journal Sept 1, 2002

Day 1
Bring your own music – use a boom box – and turn it up to inspiration levels and start working out. ACDC’s “Thunderstruck” should do the trick.
Day 2
Set up a circuit like a typical WOD, then put a sign up at each station advising others that this equipment is reserved for accurate timing of your effort.
Day 3
While practicing the Olympic lifts drop a max load from overhead. This may do it right here.
Day 4
Find a twenty-inch platform and perform box jumps. Try three sets of two minutes of max jumps. Bizarrely, this one irks the shit out of most gym management.
Day 5
Take a pair of dumbbells out into the parking lot to do walking lunges. You may be accused of theft.
Day 6
Bring several powerlifting buddies to do some super heavy deadlifts. Don’t forget to grunt, scream, and use chalk!
Day 7
If the gym has support poles climb them. If not find something to climb; sling a rope over a beam or rafters, attach some climbing holds to the wall and use them. You won’t get to the climbing part if you need to attach anything.  You may get stopped at the door coming in with a twenty-five foot coil of two-inch rope.
Day 8
Workout with your shirt off. If you don’t get a reaction have your girlfriend or wife take hers off.
Day 9
Walk on your hands, or do handstand push-ups or some other basic gymnastics stuff.
Day 10
If you’ve gotten this far, this one is the clincher.  Record your efforts by writing them on the wall.  If after day ten you are still allowed in, you belong to a great gym. Let us know where it is; we’ll feature it on our site. If
you’re asked to leave before or during this experiment it’s time to find a box!


My adds:
Day 11:
Yell "F---" after every thruster.
Day 12:
Go around and asking all the women you see: "How's your snatch?!?!"
Day 13:
After your 4 x 800m run is finished, collapse in the middle of the running track and lay out in an "angel" for 10 mins.
Day 14:
Do only one GHD.  The trainers will totally freak!
Day 15:
Take bottles of water without paying.

and finally, if you haven't been kicked out yet, try this.
Day 16:
Walk around telling everyone that in this month alone you've done Angie, Barbara, Eva, Cindy, Fran, Grace, Helen, and Karen.  But that you decide to "experiment" a little and did Murph, Griff, JT, DT, Jason, Josh, and Tommy V too.