Finality

This is my last blog under this name (but its a doozy).  I'm no longer 40, I'm no longer fat, I'm no longer "getting fit" but rather I "am" fit.  I still have 1 arm, but its much stronger.  With the birth of my daughter and the achievement of many of my fitness goals, my blogging will shift to family.  However, my fitness journey has just begun.  The drive to improve, stay thin, be healthy, has never been stronger in my life.  Barring injury or other catastrophe, I'm pretty sure this time it will stick.

This 11 month endeavor was a life changing experience.  That sounds quaint and neat, but it severely underestimates the transformation in my life.  Even though I documented the journey started at 300 lbs, I did not document the journey starting with my severe attitude problem.

Blow Me

One word: unhappy.  Work sucked, everyday life sucked.  I was miserable doing the simplest things. Getting out of the car was painful.  Going up or down steps caused me to break into a pant.  Simple chores around the house had me sweating like a priest in a whorehouse.  I was in a very bad place physically and mentally.

My bulk was scary, my face was so fat that my sunglasses look liked they belong to a 5 year old.  Me at my heaviest:

I KNEW my cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood pressure were dangerously high even though I refused to check them.  Deep down, I wanted things to be different, but the tasty food, the lazy evenings on the couch, and the multiple cocktails were too easy and too habitual to break.  I thought change would happen eventually...  I never knew how long it would be before it did, or how sudden it would occur.

I said it before, Crossfit changed my life.  However, when I sat down to reflect, the magnitude and breadth of the change was a bit overwhelming to me.

Fate

It was a bit of fate I even ended up at Crossfit 540.  Kate J. told my wife, Angela about the new gym opened by some of her friends (whom my wife knew well too).  Angie reminded me about it a few  times.  Finally, after the 2009 holiday food orgy, I decided I'd had enough.  I loaded up the kids and we went looking for it.  My first attempt was a failure.  I never saw the tiny letters declaring "Crossfit 540" so I said "screw it" and went home.

As luck would have it, I was out with my son the next day and decided to take another look.  This time I located the letters and walked up to the deserted looking establishment.  Luck shined again because Trevor was still there despite classes being adjourned for the day.

It was small and spartan, reminding me of my favorite gym from College.  He showed me around (which given the size took about 20 seconds) and I noticed a sign which would haunt me for the next month: "You can't out-train a bad diet."  It was written large on this whiteboard, by someone with penmanship similar to mine.  But it was clear enough to read and the message would become exceedingly sharp.

I promised to come back in a few days once vacation was over and I had time.  (Note: Trevor told me later he never expected to see me again.)  On January 9th, I did come back. And Hell was unleashed on me.  My subsequent pain was well documented in Facebook statuses and early blog entries.  To say I hurt would be a gross misrepresentation.  My pain was constant, excruciating, and unbearable.  Most people would have given up, but my embarrassment made me come back.  Crossfit showed me how sorely I was out of shape (pun intended).  I was so bad that the warm-ups were intimidating.  After a couple of weeks, every muscle granted me by birth had been annihilated.  The sign still sat on the whiteboard.

People doing Crossfit will tell you that it impacts their entire life.  Newbies don't really understand what that means for a while.  It impacts the whole of your life because it exposes every bad dietary, sleep, and physical conditioning you have.  It will MAKE you change things.  There really is no choice... at least if you are over 30.

"You can't out-train a bad diet."

The first to go for me was alcohol.  It's too bad, because alcohol is exactly what I need to make the muscle pain go away.  There was nothing worse than dehydration during a WOD.  You feel like a herd of sheep have walked through your mouth while wearing fuzzy slippers.  Your side hurts, you get dizzy.  This quickly leads to drinking less alcohol and a LOT more water.

Then it hits your food intake.  Wanna know how Pizza tastes 6 hours later?  Eat 4 big slices for lunch and then go do 100 burpees and run a couple of miles.  Let's just say that taste should not be offered as a speciality flavor.  Finally, the sign that hung in silence began to win.  I started changing my diet.  I thought I understood how to eat correctly (and just chose not to do it).  Boy was I wrong.

I won't bore you (again) with my diatribe on The Culprit and the Cure nor my enlightenment into the "Zone".  But let me say this... I am more in tune with my body than ever before.  I have transformed my body, mind, and health through learning, experimenting, and keeping what works.  If you change nothing else, change how you eat.

Hindsight

Looking back, I've learned more about myself in the past 11 months as I had in the previous 40.  I saw limits... then pushed past them.  I saw barriers fall, obstacles move, and tenacity gained.  I've been a confident person for most of my life and in early years many would say cocky.  Crossfit created a different sense of confidence, a much better one.  It is a calm, quiet confidence.  One that comes with the realization that few things in life can scare you after 70 minutes of "Murph" or "Adam Brown".  It is a confidence that allows you to go run a 10k after a 21 year layoff without specifically training for it.  It let's you compliment and help others with full sincerity.  It creates a desire to help someone looking for inspiration, to move them from where you were to where you are.

The Mind

None of this matters if you aren't happy.  My move from partially satisfied to profoundly happy was gradual.  I'll avoid the whole mushy story, but I have a new lease on life.  I no longer am looking forward "one day" (a sure sign of unhappiness) but instead, I enjoy "to - day", right now, right here.  Life is great and I appreciate what I have even more now.  This is probably the most important change that has occurred in my life.  One I hope to keep forever.

So let's bring this to a close.  Sorry it didn't live up to the funniness of older blogs.

Final numbers tally:

75lbs lost

18% body fat lost

30% drop in Blood pressure (from hypertension to normal).

37% improvement in my 1 Mile time

50+ friends gained.

24.5% increase in tenacity.

47.5% increase in grit.

85% drop in fear.

113.4% increase in my belief that the impossible is possible.

The pictures are the most telling:

Baby Kate

For those of you not on my email lists, here is the story:  

Well it was an adventure. Kate wasn't due to arrive until 11/18. So I decided to go to a work conference this week in Denver and even booked a mini vacation in the mountains for Thursday and Friday. Angie called Thursday morning to let me know she had a few signs of labor. But at her doctors appointment he said she was fine and I should stay in Colorado. 

At noon, her contractions were bad enough that Julie (her boss) sent her home. Meanwhile, I was wringing my hands on if I should return or stay for my mini vacation. Angie and I toiled over the decision until I listened to her experience a contraction over the phone and I knew it was time. One canceled hotel, one cancelled car, and 1 flight change and I was on my way. Unfortunately, I had 7 hours before the flight left. 

Back in Arkansas, the contractions got quicker and more intense. Angie's mom gathered her up and took her to the hospital. I was still sitting in the airport. Delynn, my colleague (who is 7 months pregnant herself), kept me pretty calm for the next few hours.  I even helped Angie through a few contractions over the phone. She was only 3 centimeters at that point. Plenty of time... right?

However, just before getting on the plane she was at 6 and heading for the epidural. This is the exact moment that I started 

Freaking 

Out. 

A 2 hour plane ride with no updates. Even Delynn stopped pretending I had plenty of time. 

By the time I landed, an entire plan had been put in motion. My quick phone call revealed Angie was 10 centimeters and ready to push.  I also found out I had people waiting on me. The plane crew let me off first and the Gate crew ran with me to clear a path through the airport. 

Maisha was at the top of the escalator wanting my keys and directing me to a white SUV waiting at the terminal. Julie was waiting in her Land Rover with a police escort. As we flew through the back roads, Julie's glee at being in a police convoy kept me distracted. We survived the back roads and as we barreled down I-540, Julie explained my exact route through the ER door to my wife's room. 

Meanwhile, Maisha convinced a incoming airport passenger to drive her around the airport economy lot until she located my car. 

As I arrived at the hospital, I jumped out, got through the doors and made it just in time. The stirrups were in place and the pushing started immediately. 1 hour later, after a heroic effort by Angie, Kate Lauren entered the world. 5 lbs 1 oz, 19 inches long at 11:45pm. Mom and baby are great. Kate has a full head of brown and the tiniest hands imaginable. 

I'm a proud dad and now I get to lose sleep all over again. A heartfelt thanks to Linda, Delynn, Maisha, Julie, the police, the passengers of flight 6729, and the Willow Creek staff for a crazy, stressful and ultimately wonderful experience. 

And of course thanks to my lovely wife who did the hard work while I sat in an airport.

Quotes

I read a good bit on many subjects.  Some stuff is for fun, some stuff is heady, and a lot of it is Crossfit related.  Predictably, I find fun, funny and enlightening quotes.  Oddly, I remember them.

Quote:

There are two types of people in this world, Crossfitters and candyasses. - Glassman

I'm a fitness whore....if I find something that works I use it. - Glassman

Why do I keep dreaming about wall balls?

Discipline is the act of doing something good for you.  Self-Control is the act of avoiding something harmful to you.

There is no "I" in "Team", but there is in "WIN", so get the hell outta my way!

If I could just grip it a little longer, I could finish faster. - A Xfit 540 attendee

Words inspire, actions motivate. - Me

I'd finish faster if I wasn't so slow. - Another Xfitter

I hate burpees more than my ex-girlfriend.

Wall balls are my kryptonite.

We exist on the margins of decrepitude. - Glassman

All my workout clothes are the same color... chalk.

Unquote.

Narcissism, Affirmation, Facebook, and WODs

Can I be more random in a title?

I read an article the other day about Facebook and narcissism.  In a nut shell, a "scientific study" found that the heaviest users of Facebook are narcissists.  A quote: "Facebook provides an ideal setting for narcissists to monitor their appearance and how many ‘friends’ they have, the study said, as it allows them to thrive on ‘shallow’ relationships while avoiding genuine warmth and empathy."

The main behaviors are "friend farming" and frequent posts about accomplishments.  Evidently, this also implies that the person is insecure about themselves.  I put the "study" in quotes because I think studies that tell us things that are common sense are hilarious.  How many studies have been completed to tell us that vegetables and fruits are good for us?  Dumbarses.  Hang on one sec, I need to finish my science grant request to study why humans have a nose.

Anyway, back to Facebook... isn't everyone a narcissist at some level?  Otherwise, aren't you headed to a mental institution or toward suicide.  If you don't like yourself, how else are you supposed to cope with life everyday.  My parents called it confidence and it's needed as long as it doesn't approach hubris.  Regardless, I find there is probably some truth to it.  It made me glad that I only post once or twice a day and that I don't accept friend requests from people I don't know.  (Does it make me a narcissist that I just patted myself on the back for not being a narcissist? - Man, my head hurts!) 

  

I think Facebook has been successful for a much basic reason, affirmation.  Beyond, eating, drink, sleep and shelter, people have one very basic need ... to feel connected to someone.  Affirmation.  Want to be loved and have more friends than you know how to handle?  Affirm people, sincerely, truthfully, and poignantly. Ever notice how once you start commenting on someone's status, you magically get a return of the favor?  Try it sometime.  Pick the least well known person on your list and start commenting, once a day, on them.  By tomorrow, the favor will be returned.  I'll bet you 50 burpees.

Think about people you know that seem like they should have a lot of friends, but really don't.  They are nice, but my guess is that when it comes right down to it, they never affirm others.  They are too self-centered or self-absorbed to think about it.  They need affirmation but never return the favor, or if they do, it is shallow and people see right through it.

Do I affirm enough?  Sort of.... I suck in some areas and do pretty well in others.  I probably don't affirm my closet friends and family nearly enough.  God knows I have the best people around me but I don't always tell them how great I really think they are.  (This is normally where an author makes a bold promise to improve... but I'm not stupid!  I'll try to improve, but without the grandiose declaration.)

Affirmation.  It works, try it.  You need to do to yourself during WODs.  It helps your box-mates.  Holly set a PR EASILY one day after a strong affirmation from a box-mate when right before that, she was convinced she would not.  I set PR's every time I tell myself I will.  BUT, and its a big one, your affirmation needs to be sincere and truthful.  If you really aren't capable yet, a simple affirmation won't work.  But if that capability is somewhere deep down inside, you just need to tell yourself that its coming out and showing the world today, right now, in this box, during this WOD.  Tell yourself the PR is coming, then go and set that MFer.

Sorry this blog sucked... (clearly that is a desperate cry for affirmation.)

One final thought:  Words inspire others, but actions motivate them.

Zone: The Good, the Bad, and the "Really?"

I’ve been Zoning for a while and have a few things to say!  There is much good, much bad, and a few surprises.

Good:

-          The Zone works.  While it is true that it is a caloric restrictive diet, most people have more food than they can eat.  My muscle strength has gained while fat has melted off.  My results in the gym have convinced me beyond a doubt.  What started as an experiment has become a full blown lifestyle.

-          Salsa (carb block) and guacamole (fat block) makes SO many things taste great.  I hate green beans, but 'salsa green beans' ROCK.

-          The best “unfavorable carb” is a corn tortilla.  Fish tacos, chicken tacos, black bean tacos….yummy.

-          Most “ethnic” cuisine is healthy until you “Americanize” it.  Greek salad are very balanced if you add chicken or fish.

-           Natural peanut butter (fat block) on a ½ oz of very dark chocolate (carb block) is about the best damn thing ever.

Bad:

-          I get really hungry between breakfast and lunch but can barely eat all my food for lunch/ snack/ dinner/ snack.

-          Reheated tilapia is the nasty thing on earth.

-          Cooking broccoli STINKS.   I feel bad for the people near the kitchen where I work.  It must suck to be toiling away only to have me bring a steaming, stinking pile of broccoli by their desk.

-          Black beans smell GREAT cooking, but make interesting smells later.  Make sure you have them in the evening or on weekends.  NEVER EAT THEM IN THE MORNING (especially if you work in an office environment) :D

-          No matter how hard you try, how much you season it, chicken tastes like chicken.  It never tastes like steak or hamburger.

"Really...":

-          One bodily function is really reduced (#2) while another dramatically increases (#1).  I guess it proves veggies and fruits are mostly water.

-          I don’t like “cheat meals” as much as I thought I would.  I like “little cheats” during a good meal versus the whole meal.  I feel like crap after a “bad” meal and it’s not worth it.  But adding a piece of cheese bread or goldfish crackers to an otherwise healthy meal is AWESOME.

-          Weighing yourself is an even WORSE measurement for “zoners”.  After tracking my weight every day for almost 8 months, I am considering not weighing myself anymore, it pisses me off too much.

-          Zoners are like Stoners but healthier.  We are obsessed with our habit, taking “hits” 5 times a day at prescribed times, in prescribed amounts in order to get the “next high”.

New Crossfit WODs!

I have been selected to think up a few names for upcoming WODs.  In the Crossfit mantra that is bigger, better, faster, stronger; I assume the WODs need to be tougher than ever.  Here are my submissions.*

11. The"Defibrillator"
10. Filthy 50 Gone Bad
9. Lunge 5k
8. "The Jester" - you repeat the WOD.... back to back.... in 101 degree heat.  You must repeat until you improve your previous score.
7. Karen and Randy "sittin in a tree"... look it up, think about it, cry.
6. Tabata Fran
5. The "WTF is Trevor thinking?"
4. "The Relo" - everyone grabs a bumper plate, barbell, and wallball.  Then run to the new location. **
3. Medusa (you don't want to know)
2. "Payback" - 10 burpees for every time you took water without paying, dropped a bar too hard, or said the "F - word".  Cut off is 2 hours.

and the #1 is:
Adam "the Murph" Brown



Bryon ***


* This is a joke.  No one wants me naming WODs.
** disclaimer, CF540 is not moving.  It's a joke people.
*** MOST of my blogs are full of sarcasm, except when they aren't.  Got it?

WOD Tunes

We blast loud music when we workout.  Honestly, I hear the first song, but after that, I'm too focused to notice.  That is unless a real kick ass song or total crap song happens along.  We all know and love the mainstay songs (Back in Back, Thunderstruck, Let the Bodies Hit the Floor, etc.)  Those get us through day after day and week after week.

I think there are a lot of "b" sides that warrant some attention too.  My workout beats may be a little odd, but maybe you'll find one or two you like.  In no particular order:

Remember the Name - Fort Minor.  (Note: I was surprised at how few people knew this one.  If you like Linkin Park or Incubus, then the Fort Minor album really is a must buy.)

Sabotage - Beastie Boys (I think CF540 played this one the other day....)
Sleep Now in the Fire - Rage Against the Machine
Deceiver - Disturbed
The Pretender - Foo Fighters (fast forward past first 33 secs)
Reload - Rob Zombie (ditto the first 33 secs)
19-2000 (Soulchild Remix)
No Jesus Christ - Seether
Shackler's Revenge - GNR
Go with the Flow - Queens of the Stone Age
Meaning of Life - Disturbed
Last - Nine Inch Nail (I especially fond of this one, since its normally where I finish met-con WODs)

I thought the following song titles were apropos for a CF workout even though the beats don't work.  

Here It Goes Again - OK Go
Again - Flyleaf
More and Faster - KMFDM (this one is really bad - haha)
Feel the Pain - Dinosaur Jr.
Pretend We're Dead - L7
Drain You - Nirvana
Perfect Insanity - Disturbed
Basket Case - Green Day
Hit the Floor - Linkin Park
Nausea - Beck
and finally,
Puke - Eminem

Make the Zone your Own

I've been on the Zone diet for 2 or 3 months now.  The term for people in the know is "Zoning".  Before I was eating healthy foods, cutting the alcohol, and exercising.  My weight had NOT plateaued, so there was no real need to change.  But I've treated my "get fit" endeavor as a learning experience as well.  Crossfit recommended it and many had extolled the success of it, so what the hell.

Well I'm sold.  I walk around the office handing out unsolicited free advice (people LOVE that).  I painted lines on my cubicle and hung "The Zone" signs around.  I've ordered t-shirts saying "I'm Zonin'".  Surprisingly, they were the second most popular shirt behind "I'm Gellin'".  However, it isn't an easy diet, but if you are interested, read on.

The book "Enter the Zone" can be found used in a lot of book resellers.  Pick it up for $12 and read it.  Do it in broad daylight because it is a bit of a snoozer.  However, it is full of good information.  Like most diet books, I'm sure not all of Dr. Sears claims have been proven or substantiated, but his basic premise of balancing protein, carbs, and fats is damned sound.

Pre-work:
- If you don't have recent measurements, get somebody to do them.  Early Zone benefits won't show up on the scale.  Record your body fat, measurements, and weight.  Get actual numbers.  My first measurements simply were "really fat".  Holland swears its not her handwriting so I'm still looking for the culprit. (Yes that's a joke, Holland is way too nice to do that.)
- Pick a couple of fitness metrics and note your performance.  I suggest a few recent WODs that mix strength and met-con.  If all else fails, use your deadlift max and 1 mile time.
- Clean out the fridge and the cabinet and prepare for your "entry".

Getting Started:
-  For 3 weeks, follow the Zone religiously.  Do the calculation, measure the foods, eat only the "good carbs" and stay off the "bad" page as much as possible.
- In week 4, go to your favorite Italian restaurant (BTW, it better be Primo!) and eat one of your old favorite pasta bowls.  Sit back and experience the difference in how you feel.  Tip: Make sure you've already worked out that day.
- Go right back on the Zone and see how quickly you rebound.  You've just taught yourself that when you fail at a meal, your body will tell you.... BUT it will forgive you the very next meal if you correct it.  This helps me stay the course.  If I cheat, I know I can get right back to it.
- Continue the Zone for another 2 - 3 weeks.

Success?
- After 5 or 6 weeks, redo your measurements.  Then hammer out those benchmark metrics you picked.
- What happened?  My guess is you are stronger or faster or both....
- Between CF and Zoning I continue to destroy my PRs.  My mile time was reduced by 45 seconds.  My max clean increased 50 lbs, my max deadlift increased 60 lbs.  I would have gotten some of these gains anyway, but the jump means I'm eating right.

Making It My Own:
My main advice is make this diet work for you.  I have been experimenting lately.  Get on it, experience it, and then tweak the things that bug you about it.  Find the things that work and don't work.  After doing it the way the book said for 2 months, I had enough experience and confidence to modify it to work better.  My two issues were getting hungry between breakfast and lunch AND feeling SO full in the evening.  So I added 5 nuts as a mid morning snack and started cutting back on the evening carbs a little.  The morning hunger and the bloated evening feelings are gone.

Additionally, I found that the two most important meals are my post-WOD meal and my evening snack.  When I skipped my evening snack, I did not feel/do as well the next day.

My experimentation has led me to 5 simple rules:
- Always eat exactly the right amount of lean protein.
- Eat up to but never over the amount of carbs.  Under by a block or two is OK.
- Eat at least your amount of fat or more.  NEVER skimp on the fat content.
- 85% of my daily carb blocks MUST be from the "good list".  I allow 3 of 19 to be "bad" per day.
- I MUST eat the last meal of the day within 30 mins of bedtime.

Enjoy.  And let me know if you want a t-shirt....

Progress Update, What Have I Lost, What Have I Gained?

I think this is post #30.  My mother said I had a lot to say, I guess she was right.  This is a simple progress report:

Weight

Then:   300,   Now:   243;  Net:  57 lost

Waist Size:

Then:   42+ (I cheated and bought those stretchy waist pants so I could get fatter and still be a "42")

Now:  38- (looser everyday)

Blood Pressure:

Then:  135/80 (considered pre-hypertension)

Now:  115/60 - normal

Body Fat:

Then:  30%,   Now:  18%

Then: almost 100 lbs,  Now:  45 lbs

Time to Run a Mile:

Then:  What does "run a mile" mean?, 12 - 14 mins mostly walking

Now:  8:27

Unassisted Pullups in a row:

Then:  0,  Now:  7

What have I given up?

- Drinking whenever I want.  For a while I was a teetotaler.  Now I will allow a few drinks a month, the timing is chosen deliberately (evening of day 3).  Yummy but destructive :(

- Caffeine - many have you heard me complain this was the toughest change.  However, I'm happy to wake up and be full speed in just a few mins.

- Eating purely for pleasure.  I still eat for pleasure, but not as often and on my terms.  Do I miss pizza, wings, burgers.   A little.  But not a lot.  What I really miss is a balanced energy level when I do cheat on a meal.  I hate feeling like someone glued me to the ground.  I can't imagine ever eating without considering it a fueling again LOL.

- A crappy attitude about life. Enough said.

What Have I Gained?

- A new appreciation for the human body.  Weight loss and fitness is not a physical journey.  It is a mental one.  At 40, I'm in better shape than I was at 20.  The human body will respond to the stimulants you provide.  Provide good stimulants...

- A challenge to improve my mental fortitude.  I've learned more about the power of the mind in the past 6 months than I did in 4 years pursuing an Electrical Engineering degree.   I've learned to create my own second wind.  I've learned that I make a WOD miserable or fun before I even start.  I've learned I am not great at the mental aspect.  Pull ups and DUs are seriously in my head.  The mental game is my next challenge to conquer.

- Tons of like minded (i.e. bat shit crazy) friends.  The box is a place to come, enjoy, work, and make connections.

Top 10 Signs You Need a Break From CF

The top 10 signs you need to take a cycle or two off:

10.  Your dreams consist of practicing Double Unders and T2B... even when you never actually practice DU or T2B.
9.  You swear you can get the dog to do a front squat.
8.  You think "tape" is acceptable attire for the office.
7.  You are diagnosed with "chalk lung".
6.  After a great meeting at work, you rip off your shirt, high five your boss, then collapse to the floor.
5.  You start taking water bottles from the convenience store without paying.
4. You can remember the names of the last three "Girl WODs" you completed, but struggle with your wife's name.
3.  You time the pastor every Sunday to see how he did versus last week.
2.  You start counting tabata reps "2, 4, 6, 8 ..."

and the # 1 sign that it's time to take a CF cycle off:

Right before sex, you yell "3 - 2 - 1 Go!!!"

Video Teaser

You can find the first 30 seconds of the video here:

http://gallery.me.com/castlemonster/100251

What is that thing?

I've known many of you for a while now.  Friendships forged over dinner and drinks, or over wall balls, push-ups and sweat.  Last night someone asked me "so what happened?"  I realized many people are probably curious but don't want to ask.

First, it's ok to ask and discuss.... hell even some of you that I've known for years enjoying cracking jokes.  I enjoy cracking jokes.  It's all ok.  I acknowledge that it is hard to know if it's ok to ask.  For people that pick up a "challenge", or "disability" later in life, they may not want to talk about.  They may not have accepted it.  For those of us born with it, it really isn't a challenge and certainly not a disability.  It is only what we know.  I don't get offended at being called disabled, challenged or handicapped but I don't think of it that way.

Second, I'll tell the story.

As you gathered from above, I was born with a birth defect in my right arm.  It is called a "radial club" and my case is considered severe.  The cause is unknown but it is not genetic and therefore, not hereditary.  Your forearm contains two bones, the radius and ulna.  As you develop in the womb, the radius grows into the first three fingers (thumb, index, and middle).  Likewise, the ulna grows into the ring and pinky fingers.    In addition to forming the set of 5 fingers, the two bones also allow the rotation of your forearm AND the function of the elbow.  In my case, I formed without my right ulna.

My lack of ulna obviously means I didn't get the right ring and pinky fingers (thank goodness the wedding ring goes on the left hand).  This is the most obvious trait and what most focus on but not the most difficult trait.  The lack of ulna also means not rotation of my forearm and no bending of the elbow which require a lot more adaptation.  More on that in a moment.  When I was born, my right arm was turned backward at the elbow.  The easiest way to picture it is when I would stand, my right arm would rest BEHIND me.  It's a great position to scratch your butt, but not much else.

I was blessed with smart parents who took me to an orthopedist.  That orthopedist was Dr. Marks and he made a few decisions that dramatically altered my life.  When I was five, I underwent surgery where he broke my arm, reset and rebuilt it to rest in FRONT of me.  As a 5 year old, it sucked.  I still remember puking on the kitchen floor when my parents told me of the impending surgery.  I remember kicking and screaming bloody murder before the shots went into each thigh (it took three people to hold me down).  I also remember sitting up right after and declaring "that wasn't so bad".  I'm sure the nurse wanted to kill me at this point :D

Afterwards, I had to wear a cast for a long while.  After the swelling went down, the damn thing had a habit of falling off... a lot.  I'll never forget waking up in the pitch black of my grandma's house and, through the faint hallway light, seeing silhouette of my arm riddled with stitches.  I totally freaked but then later I decided it was cool.  To wrap this up, I had 1 other surgery and then stitches removed.  After a little bit of therapy (physical not mental), I was declared "good to go"!

As one would expect, throughout my life I have experienced moments of ridicule, teasing, and people telling me what I couldn't do.  But honestly, these times were the EXCEPTION not the rule.  In large part, I have experienced acceptance or even more surprising, forgetfulness.  When people are around me for a while, they tend to forget.  That leads to some hilarious conversations at times.
Me: "My hands are so cold."
Them: "Wanna borrow my gloves?"
Me: "How many fingers do they have?"
Them: "10, why? .... er..... oh yeah..."
Of course, I'm not offended they forgot.  I get a huge laugh out of it.  It just shows you that most people will accept if given the chance.

The times of teasing and "you can't do it" were just enough to bend me, making me stronger, more accepting of others, and exceedingly willful.

My other fortune came from my exceedingly smart mom:  When I was in 2nd grade, I had a substitute teacher tell me that she would get her church to pray for me and Jesus would miraculously heal my "affliction".  I was so excited to tell my mom when I got home.  What did mom say?  "Why would you want to change?  You are perfect the way you are."  It wasn't those exact words, but the message was there.  It would have been easy for her to say "the lady is a nut job and Jesus won't fix your hand."  But she used it as a moment to reinforce my uniqueness, have me embrace it, and never want to change it.  If someone offered me an arm transplant tomorrow, I'd refuse.

So this all sounds inspiring and perfect.  I struggle at times just like anyone else.  There are things I simply cannot do with a radial club.  I want to climb a rope, I want to do a muscle up.  I'm not sure it will ever happen but I will keep trying until it really is futile.  My fortune is that there are so many things that I CAN do or that I can LEARN to do.  That is what I try to focus on, not always successfully, but mostly so.

People have told me I inspire them.  Honestly, I have a hard time accepting that.  I'm out there for exceedingly selfish reasons,  I want to look good for my smoking hot wife.  But like most things in my life: I'll take it, I'll embrace it, I'll do my best to live up to it.

Obsession

This week really made me realize how consuming Crossfit is for people.  Obsession is a better word.  Between spending a few days with my location challenged family, dinner with friends, and a "happy hour" where almost all of my conversations constantly turned back to Crossfit.... I realized it even more.

Now to my credit, I wasn't driving the conversation in some cases.  People are curious about my progress and want to know "how".  Unfortunately, I tell them a LOT about how.  Using words that make no sense, naming WODs, exercises and eating habits all in a rapid fire cadence.  I get in the zone when talking about it and sometime forget to come up for air.  The happy hour gave me a chance to observe obsession firsthand.  I was me, 3 other CFers and a few other "regular people".  See.  WTF was that?  "Regular people".  In quotes no less.  

Anyway.  The happy hour was for a "regular person's" birthday.  But what dominated the conversation?  Time on WODs, Wall ball techniques, trainer methods, clean max... and of course, sweating.  The other people were polite and probably even entertained... for a while.  We kept turning the conversation back to "normal" things.. but some force or unseen hand eventually pushed us right back to CF.  We have our own language and we love to use it.

I have done many activities in my life (basketball, kayaking, tennis, backpacking, etc.)  NONE of those EVER created the level of desire to discuss quite like CF.  I can talk to a basketball team member for an hour about things without BB coming up.  A CFer can last about 5 mins. 

So I asked myself.............  WHY?

Top Ten Reasons:

1.  We are crazy and we like talking to other crazy people.

2.  When you go through hell, it's easier to relate to other people with burn marks.

3.  The amazement of actually completing some WODs must be shared... often. 

4.  Only a badass can talk to another badass.
5.  The water bottles are spiked with "CF Kool-Aid".  That's why they only cost a dollar.
6.  When you pass out in one of your first WODs, they take you away for a good brainwashing.
7.  Glassman is really Marshall Applewhite... and we all will be leaving earth soon.
8.  Sadism and obsession go well together.
9.  We really like writing stuff on whiteboards.

and #10:

I think its because we've "Become addicted to constant and never-ending self-improvement." (Anthony J. D'Angelo)

So stay obsessed and let's talk sometime....

I've Gone Mental

I have become a regular reader of the CrossFit Journal because the articles/video are enlightening.  The depth and breadth of this thing called CrossFit is amazing.  At it's core, CF is simply an unbelievably effective way to get fit.  At its depth, it will teach you things about yourself that you may or may not want to know.

With articles like "Your Form Sucks", "Getting Off the Crack", and "Silly Bullshit", how can it not be good?  My routine is to download a few article and videos to my Dropbox account in the evening, then watch/read them on my iPhone over lunch.  (P.S. If you have an iPhone or iPad why the hell haven't you downloaded Dropbox?)

The ones that have captured my attention lately are articles about the mental aspect of Crossfit.  Mainly because I'm fairly sure my head is holding me back.

Where is Your Head?

CFing for the last 6 months have taught me more about myself than anything else I've done.  What have I learned?

1. I should be doing better.  Sure, I genuinely celebrate my victories but every victory seems like a step of a ladder versus the top.  Trevor suggested I call a knee push-up "Rx".  That's probably reasonable.  They are pretty damn hard with 1 arm.  Like a total moron, I refused.  But I knew if I did, I would never push my knees off the floor and get to a "real" push up.  After this week, I may reconsider ;)

2. I suck HARD at mental preparation.  Most WODs, I psych myself out or approach too confidently.  In both cases, I'm left whimpering on the floor and pissed at the "extra 3 minutes" it took me.  On the rare days when I have it just right, I feel like I destroy it.

3. I'm not good at taking praise.  People feel strongly positive about my endeavor.  I've had at least 30 people ask me "how'd you do it".  A lot of people ask s lot of polite questions without really caring about the answer.  In all but 1 case, people really wanted to know.  One conversation lasted almost an hour.  Many of you have complimented me in various ways.  If I seem to dismiss your words, it's only because I'm not sure what to say.  I think I'll just say "Thanks" from now on....  or maybe "That's what she said!"  One of the two.

The Art of Self Talk

- In trying to improve on #2 above, I read a great article in the CFjournal about self talk.  I will only point out one thing from it: Always talk to yourself (and others) in the positive.  Example: say "keep your heels down and drive through them", instead of "don't let your heels come up."  Why?  The subconscious does not understand/hear the negative.  So your subconscious hears "let your heels come up".  You doom yourself or your partner to failure.  I started this yesterday during my first miserable attempt at beating my 1 mile PR.  It worked.  I destroyed my previous PR by 45 seconds.

Of course now (through the art of self talk), I have also convinced myself I look like Matt Damon, sing like Sinatra, and ummmmm... "That's what she said."  P.S. I hear Mel Gibson is really good at this.

Gaming WODs:

In the vein of mental preparation, there is another article about Gaming WODs.  I think it is an unfair title because it really is about having a strategy for a WOD.  But since it involve methods of pacing and calculating, many consider it "gaming".  What is gaming a WOD?

Example:  For a 20 AMRP of Cindy, assume it takes you 30 secs to blow through round 1.  What if you decide to rest until the 1 min mark and then start round 2.  With that rest you can probably keep close to your round 1 pace.  If you finish round 2 in 32 sec, you get 28 sec of rest.  If you pace yourself like this you can get 20/21 rounds.  A very respectable score.  But if you go as hard as you can from "GO", you may gas after 6 rounds and then struggle.

At a basic level, it is picking a good pace and then building in rest to keep the intensity high.  I have mixed feelings.  I think it is good if you repeat workouts and have a reference point from whence to improve.  But we don't repeat much and I may be slowing myself down.  The jury is out for me on this method.

Finally, my favorite inspirational picture:

And in honor of my blog:

Change is Strange...

Strange to Change

It is strange to think back on my previous view of eating and fitness.  Negotiation and rationalization were king.  I wanted to be thinner and in better shape, but my habits were laughable in context of the goal.  Poor eating, crappy exercise and drinking.  I had the "trifecta" of couch potato fitness.

"Exercise"
"Exercise" was 40 mins on the elliptical 3x per week while watching Sportscenter.  How the hell can you watch something and get an effective workout?  I don't think it's possible... unless you count my life flashing before my eyes in the third round of Fight Gone Bad.  (Editor's note, I'm damn glad CF540 still hasn't gotten another rower or that bastard of a WOD would be coming around again).

Some days, I remember convincing myself that playing the drums on Rock Band for an hour would sub for a workout.  Of course by the time I got home, I didn't even do that.  BTW, an hour of Halo3 definitely does not count as a workout.  Oh and my "runs" were laughable.  My wife bought me a "Nike+ Run-o-meter" because, you know, my distances were so long I couldn't count that high.  Anyway,  I couldn't get it to calibrate so I sent it back.  In all honesty, I should have kept it and just taped a note on the watch that said.... "hey fat ass, you didn't go very far!"

Eating (also known as Exercising My Storage Capacity)

My idea of eating restraint was pretty perverse too.  I remember feeling proud to leave two chicken wings on my plate (out of a dozen).  Of course the fact that I was full from 48oz of "light" beer, 2 yeast rolls, 2 dozen peanuts and the first 10 wings didn't occur to me as the reason for my awesome restraint. 

Somehow I felt great when I ate a salad but rationalized that I could swill down a couple of Coors Lights and a brownie as a "treat".  I'm sitting here laughing about it now.  My eating habits are corrected.  Now, some meals really suck.  I mean they are healthy but taste like the underside of a dirty sock.  But most are good, some are great and I don't really miss pizza, wings, and BBQ.  Well maybe BBQ but I sincerely don't miss wings and pizza. I was not a glutton at every meal by any means, but I could throw down when starvation was on the line.  I figured it up the other days and one of my favorite meals contained 1800 calories.  Jebesus....

I see food as fuel.  Every time I think about cheating, my brain automatically tells me how much progress I will lose because of it.   G R E A T... my own damn brain won't let me enjoy a little indulgence.

Social Lubrication

My favorite habit was my drinking.  I still love the taste of wine, beer, and liquor.  It's a habit that I will occasionally allow.  However, I was in this crazy cycle of two drinks at night (you know, because they are good for you!) and then heavy caffeine in the morning.  In a moment of reflection, it became clear that my 2 were about the size of 4 and it was becoming an invasive habit.  My family has a small short history (read as: my dad) of alcoholism.  I was practicing well but decided I needed to change before I wound up naked on I-540.  But I never made the change and I drank daily for years.  Then I stopped.... cold.

Becoming a teetotaler broke the cycle and it was unbelievable.  It immediately led to better sleep, better workouts, less eating and more water.  But most importantly, I genuinely started enjoying more about life.  Alcohol is a destructive force for people that consume it regularly, they just don't know it.  It really is one of those things you can't see until you come out on the other side.  If you are someone that has a few beers on the weekend but nothing during the week, I'm not talking to you. :D  I'm talking to the "Every. Single. Day." person.  Trust me.  Stop for a month and see what happens.

Now for the most controversial change yet.  Caffeine!  I've gotten way more "WTF?" from people about stopping caffeine than any other change.  I did it because.... well I wanted to follow the Zone Diet as completely as possible.  It really wasn't any more dramatic than that.  However, it was the single hardest change of all the ones I made.  I weaned myself slowly over a 2 week period.  I got down to a 1/2 cup of coffee with little pain.  So then I cut the last 1/2 out and holy hell.  It took another 2 weeks for the hot pokers to be removed from my occipital lobe.  I'm pretty sure that even if I stop exercising, ate like crap and started drinking again... I still won't drink caffeine again.  It was just too damn hard to quit.

That said, I'm supremely glad I stopped.  It is such a freeing feeling to not worry about where/when the morning's fix will occur.  It is hard to explain, but I'm REALLY glad I stopped drinking it.

Final Thought:
I'm 40.  I am close to being in better physical shape than at any other point in my life.  I hope to make that bold claim before the end of this year.  However, with 40 comes the understanding you are not indestructible.  Mortality now warrants an occasional serious thought.  Luckily, morality is still of no concern...

What is 50 Like?

It's official.  I have lost 50 lbs, which made me think of all the things that weigh 50 pounds.

1. Half of my wife before she got pregnant.
2. 200 dollars in quarters (hey, a couple of months of Crossfit).
3. 2 1/2 cases of beer.
4. An average 7 year old girl.
5. 75.97 dollars
6. This hamburger.

7. This rabbit (and probably the girl)












8. Add finally, 10 of these:

Crazy Man in the Workout Room...

So we just got back from a weeks vacation.  I was torn whether to rest my Crossfit weary bones or continue.  The downside of working out on vacation... getting up early.  The downside of not working out... "the MFing soreness" when I got back.  I decided for the lesser of two evils and kept up my workout schedule as much as possible.  My workouts were uneventful except for two.

On the day we were going to Sea World, I did 100 pushups, 200 sit-ups, and 300 squats.  What the hell was I thinking?  For the next 10 hours, I was on my feet in 98 degree weather.  By the end of the day, I was whining like most of the 3 year olds there.  Hell I seriously considered hijacking this old lady's scooter when she went for frozen lemonade.  Too bad her husband kept an eye out.... or I would have torn outta there at 2.5 mph.  "KIDS, MEET ME AT THE CAR!!!" Man I was tired and sore.


On Friday, I decided it was time to put a hurting on myself.  The resort where we stayed had a beautifully equipped, pristine gym.  Which is to say it was utterly useless to a CFer! :D  It did have some rubber dumbells (but with only a 50lb max.... buncha wusses, we warm up with 50s).  Anyway, the real positive thing was a couple of pull-up handles on the crossover weight rack.  I wish I had discovered it sooner.

So 5 rounds: 10 K2E, 15 Thursters, 7 Pull-ups.  Yeah, 75 thrusters.  I'm an idiot.  I get warmed up and finally will myself to begin the pain.  Halfway through my second round, in walks a middle aged man, his wife and 20 something year old son.  Of course, I'm slinging sweat all over the floor (it's 4 o'clock in 97 degree weather) and panting like an elephant giving birth.  During my third set of thrusters, I'm pretty sure I said the mother of all words a couple of times.  The older guy looked like he wanted to say something, but then he saw the 50lb dumbell suspended above my head and decided to bite his tongue.

Then I started kipping pull-ups.  I was kipping so hard I was tilting the whole weight rack a little.  It would slam down each time and then up I would tilt it again.  At this point, they all looked a little terrified.  My favorite moment happened when I finished.  I collapsed per normal on the floor in heaping, heaving mess.  All three stopped what they were doing and just stood there for a moment, presumably waiting for me to die.  HAHA!

At one point during round 4, I did hear the man ask his son what workout he was doing.  The son's reply?  "A whole body workout."  I almost laughed.  They have no idea.

How To Get Kicked Out of Your Old Gym

I've become more and more lax on this blog.  Life has been busy but inspiration has not.  Most of this blog I stole shamelessly from a old write-up from the Crossfit Journal but added my own as well.

Before I start, if you are semi-serious about Crossfit, I highly recommend you plunk down the $25 per year to subscribe to the Journal.  By no means am I trying to be a elite CFer, but I have things I want to improve.  A lot of the articles are about "Regionals", but many are about form, technique.  We get a lot of coaching from Trevor and Holland, but some of our moves take months and months to get right.  The journal articles approach it from yet another angle, one that I personally found helpful.  My squats were instantly better after an article and a video.  Not because I hadn't been coached, but because one of the practice methods resonated with me.

OK, I guess that much of an endorsement will forgive the plagiarism I'm about to do :D

How To Get Kicked Out in Ten Days of Less - CF Journal Sept 1, 2002

Day 1
Bring your own music – use a boom box – and turn it up to inspiration levels and start working out. ACDC’s “Thunderstruck” should do the trick.
Day 2
Set up a circuit like a typical WOD, then put a sign up at each station advising others that this equipment is reserved for accurate timing of your effort.
Day 3
While practicing the Olympic lifts drop a max load from overhead. This may do it right here.
Day 4
Find a twenty-inch platform and perform box jumps. Try three sets of two minutes of max jumps. Bizarrely, this one irks the shit out of most gym management.
Day 5
Take a pair of dumbbells out into the parking lot to do walking lunges. You may be accused of theft.
Day 6
Bring several powerlifting buddies to do some super heavy deadlifts. Don’t forget to grunt, scream, and use chalk!
Day 7
If the gym has support poles climb them. If not find something to climb; sling a rope over a beam or rafters, attach some climbing holds to the wall and use them. You won’t get to the climbing part if you need to attach anything.  You may get stopped at the door coming in with a twenty-five foot coil of two-inch rope.
Day 8
Workout with your shirt off. If you don’t get a reaction have your girlfriend or wife take hers off.
Day 9
Walk on your hands, or do handstand push-ups or some other basic gymnastics stuff.
Day 10
If you’ve gotten this far, this one is the clincher.  Record your efforts by writing them on the wall.  If after day ten you are still allowed in, you belong to a great gym. Let us know where it is; we’ll feature it on our site. If
you’re asked to leave before or during this experiment it’s time to find a box!


My adds:
Day 11:
Yell "F---" after every thruster.
Day 12:
Go around and asking all the women you see: "How's your snatch?!?!"
Day 13:
After your 4 x 800m run is finished, collapse in the middle of the running track and lay out in an "angel" for 10 mins.
Day 14:
Do only one GHD.  The trainers will totally freak!
Day 15:
Take bottles of water without paying.

and finally, if you haven't been kicked out yet, try this.
Day 16:
Walk around telling everyone that in this month alone you've done Angie, Barbara, Eva, Cindy, Fran, Grace, Helen, and Karen.  But that you decide to "experiment" a little and did Murph, Griff, JT, DT, Jason, Josh, and Tommy V too.

6 Months and Counting

I am coming up on my 6 month anniversary of Crossfit.  It's like College when you had to remember your "6-month dating anniversary", "6 month kiss anniversary" and "6 month.... ahem, nevermind". 

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to examine what has happened in the last 6 months.  

These do not count warm ups!

First the repetitions, # of:

KB Swings - 791

Box jumps - 1,014

Push-ups - 1,025

Wall Balls - 1,140

Sit-ups - 2,218

Pull-ups - 2,335

Squats - 2,601

Total: 11,124

Then the lifts, total weight of:

Thrusters - 24,775

Back/Front Squats - 58,935

Clean and Presses - 55,420

Deadlifts - 76,180

Total: 215,310 lbs (or 107.5 tons)

Running, total miles:

34 miles

Other Statistics

Number of Sessions:

103

Number I Missed for Travel and Weather:

4

Number I Missed for Laziness:

0

Sessions Attended:

99 

LBs I've Lost:

42

Blisters:

28

# of Advil Taken:

However many is in 2 of the really large bottles.

Bottles of Water I forgot to pay Trevor for:

13

Rolls of Tape Used:

4

Times I Puked:

1

Times I Wanted to Puke:

uh... 98

Times I said "that was an easy workout":

ONCE...